Complicated
by Alto135
Summary: [HC] After a long shift, Calleigh's thoughts drift to more personal matters and a decision that needs to be made. (my first fic, please review)


**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, chances are it's not mine. The song is"Complicated" by Caroline Dawn Johnson

**A/N: **Okay, this is my first fanfic and to be honest, I'm a little nervous about posting it. Any reviews good or bad would be greatly appreciated.

Calleigh stood perfectly poised, aiming her gun down the range. Breathe in. Breathe out. The sound of her 9mm being fired resonated through the otherwise empty room.

It had been a long day with a difficult case but those were not the only thoughts flowing through Calleigh's already overflowing mind. Her thoughts, instead, returned to a certain 6ft, red headed Lieutenant.

From the very day she had met Horatio, she was instantly captivated by him. It was not just his fiery red hair or his fascinating blue eyes but his compassionate, caring demeanor as well. They had hit it off right from the beginning and Horatio had offered Calleigh a job on the spot, despite the 3 or for others still awaiting their interviews.

Calleigh had always admired and respected Horatio Caine. They had quickly become friends three years ago when Calleigh started working in Miami but recently, Calleigh's feelings started to change. While she always had a smile readily available for anyone she encountered, it would always grow just a little bit when Horatio entered a room. She was generally able to maintain a calm exterior but inside, Calleigh quivered with every innocent brush of hands when passing a file or every smile that he gave her. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep composed.

_I'm so scared that the way that I feel,  
Is written all over my face,  
When you walk into the room I wanna find a hiding place,  
We used to laugh, we used to hug,  
The way that old friends do,  
But now a smile and a touch of your hand,  
Just make me come unglued,  
It's such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth,  
Is it fact or fiction the way I feel for you_

Calleigh sighed in frustration. This was getting ridiculous. She found concentration to be fleeting as she thought more and more of Horatio so she made another effort to take a deep breath and fire off another round. Calleigh smiled as she noted the small hole in the center of her target, down range. At least there was one thing she still had control over…Her feelings however, were a different story all together.

For a while now, Calleigh had been fighting with the proverbial devil and angel on her shoulders. One side screamed at her to tell Horatio how she felt, what did she have to lose? The other side reminded her of the repercussions and told her to keep her feelings to herself. Right now, the latter sounded most logical.

_It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,  
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,  
Oh, I want you to know,  
But then again I don't,  
It's so complicated_

She put the safety on and sighed again as she placed the gun down on the counter in front of her and raked her hands through her long blonde hair. "I really need to do something about this," Calleigh thought to herself. "I can't hold this inside anymore."

"Cant hold what in?" A curious Alexx asked as she entered the ballistics lab.

Calleigh spun around, "Lord Alexx, you scared me. You've got to stop sneaking up on people like that," she laughed with a hand to her chest in an attempt to slow her rapidly beating heart. She had never even realized that she had been thinking out loud.

"Sorry Honey, I didn't mean to startle you. But don't go changing the subject on me," Alexx smiled, "What's on your mind?"

"It's nothing Alexx. Just thinking out loud again."

"Honey, lying doesn't suit you, you know that right?" Alexx grinned.

Calleigh stepped away from the firing box and dropped into a nearby chair. "Sorry, I've just got a lot on my mind right now."

"Horatio again?" Alexx asked knowingly as she settled in another chair.

"It's just—wait! How'd you know this was about Horatio?" Calleigh gasped as a hand flew up to her mouth.

"Oh Honey, there's only one person that can make you look like you're a million miles away."

"How do you know me so well?" Calleigh questioned with a smile as she ran her fingers through her hair again. "I can't help how I feel. It really wasn't supposed to end up like this. I've always enjoyed being his friend and colleague but all of a sudden it's just not enough for me any more. I just don't know what to do about this."

"Neither does Horatio," Alexx said, under her breath.

"What do you mean 'neither does Horatio'?"

"Cal, don't tell me you haven't noticed the way he looks at you! Do you really think he smiles like that for everyone?" Calleigh merely cast her a confused, disbelieving look. "Oh Calleigh, I can't believe you haven't noticed. Everyone in the lab can see the energy between you two. Well, everyone except the two of you, that is. I just hope one of you figures out what to do soon," Alexx said as she stood from her chair. "Anyways, I actually just came by to drop off the bullets from the Robinson case. I really need to finish up in the morgue so I can head home. You should do the same Calleigh. Shift was over about 20 minutes ago."

"Thanks Alexx, for everything. I really appreciate it," Calleigh said as she stood as well to give her friend a hug.

"No problem Sugar. Good night"

Calleigh bid the M.E. good night and returned to her place in the firing box.

_Just when I think I'm under control,  
I think I finally got a grip,  
Another friend tells me that,  
My name is always on your lips,  
They say I'm more than just a friend,  
They say I must be blind,  
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me,  
From the corner of your eye,  
Oh it's so confusing I wish you'd just confess,  
But think of what I'd be losing,  
If your answer wasn't yes_

Alexx had left Calleigh with a lot to think about. Did Horatio really feel the same for her as she did for him? Did he really smile more around her? "I guess it's possible," Calleigh thought to herself. "We do flirt from time to time, but what if he thinks it's all just in good fun? What if I'm reading too much in to this?" She began to feel a little panicked. "What if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same?" As much as she wanted Horatio, Calleigh couldn't stand the thought of losing the strong relationship they already had. She wished that Horatio would just come forward if he felt the same but that was highly unlikely.

Feeling confused and nervous, Calleigh put on her protective gear and picked up the abandoned gun. After a few deep breaths, she continued her target practice for a few minutes until she heard the familiar clicking, indicating an empty magazine.

After removing her protective eye and ear wear, Calleigh returned the weapon to its rightful place and began to tidy up the lab; still lost in thought.

_It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,  
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,  
Oh, I want you to know,  
But then again I don't,  
It's so complicated._

Her mind was simply overflowing with all the 'what if's.' After her clean up was finished, Calleigh collapsed again, into her chair to take a few minutes to attempt to straighten out her thoughts. What if Alexx was right? What if Horatio really did feel the same but wasn't sure what to do about it? What if Alexx was wrong and Calleigh was reading too much into something that really wasn't there?

She felt overwhelmed. Horatio fit the bill of Calleigh's dream man perfectly. Tall, dark and handsome, compassionate, caring, with enough drive and determination for justice to make many swoon and make criminals cower. Her whole life it seemed, she had waited for someone like Horatio to come along and now he had, but now what?

_I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you,  
Should I say it,  
Should I tell you how I feel,  
Oh I want you to know,  
But then again I don't,  
It's so complicated._

She was faced with two decisions. It seemed simple enough. Did she tell him or did she continue to hide the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her? In a moment of bravery, Calleigh made her decision.

She thought of what Alexx had said and decided she needed to know the truth. Before she had a chance to change her mind, Calleigh left the ballistics lab in search of Horatio. There was only one way to find out.


End file.
